Kevin Baldeosingh
I suspect most parents worry more about their girl children than their boys. I, however, am more concerned about my 11-month-old son Kyle's future than his three-year-old sister's.
By this I mean I am devoting more thought towards making Kyle intellectually and socially competent to face the world in general, and Trinidad in particular. And, although it is parents' natural instinct to want to protect their daughters, it is an incontrovertible fact that, except for sexual abuse, boys are more at risk by every measure than girls. At every age, males are more likely to be injured or killed, more likely to commit suicide, less likely to do well in school, or to find gainful employment after.
So how do I increase the odds of my son surviving this place and, having survived, to achieve what he wants to achieve? Knowing my own biases, I have already warned myself not to push academics with Jinaki, if she isn't that way inclined–ie although I would like her to become a professional mathematician, I will support her if her passion is singing soca instead (and she'll be a lot richer, too).
I want to apply the same principle for Kyle, but it will be harder to stick to my guns in his case, because, if a boy isn't academically competent, his chances of being successful in any field, including soca, are that much lower.
So what can I do? Well, I already have the two most important things in place: I'm married to his mother and I read books. In Do Fathers Matter? journalist Paul Raeburn cites studies showing that "Fathers who were involved with their partners during pregnancy reduced the risk that the children would die in the first year of life... The death rate of infants whose fathers were not around was nearly four times that of infants whose fathers were involved." It would be valuable to learn if this pattern also applies in Trinidad–certainly, we already know that males from poor single-mother households are more likely to die before they're 30 years old.
Raeburn adds: "Children whose fathers played with them, read to them, took them on outings and helped care for them had fewer behavioural problems in the early school years, and less likelihood of delinquency or criminal behaviour as adolescents." I already do this with Jinaki, and I'll probably do so even more with Kyle, since I can carry him to the restroom when we're out.
Kyle's academic development rests mostly on school, however, so choosing the right kindergarten is very important, especially for a boy. At Jinaki's pre-school, the teachers let the boys walk around or jump on the trampoline when they're doing their academic activities. In Reaching Boys, Teaching Boys, psychologist Michael Reichert and writer Richard Hawley reference pedagogical research which shows that physical movement helps boys in mastering tasks and incorporating concepts. "Engaging students actively in pursuit of mastery and understanding appeared to deepen and strengthen learning of all kinds," they write.
Like most parents in T&T, I will have to send Kyle to a public secondary school, and even the prestige ones will be backward in their approach to teaching and socialisation. I can only hope that Kyle has good enough genes and home environment to help him overcome the limitations of a world in which the odds are loaded against the average male.