BC Pires

Be­tween the Unit­ed Na­tion­al Con­gress in­ter­nal elec­tions card­ed for to­mor­row and the West In­dies con­triv­ing to tie a game they should have won on Tues­day, the "Let­ters to the Ed­i­tor" sec­tions of news­pa­pers in T&T have been over­flow­ing. So peo­ple have sent their let­ters to me, know­ing I will pub­lish them, which I will cer­tain­ly do, be­cause I am com­mit­ted to open and fair dis­cus­sion on every is­sue of im­por­tance; es­pe­cial­ly when I make up all the let­ters my­self. (And, just in case they sue me, I con­fess up front I stole this idea from the ed­i­tors of the Na­tion­al Lam­poon mag­a­zine).

Sir

Could you please tell the West In­dies crick­et team and all sev­en mil­lion West In­di­ans not to both­er me any more? I'm fed up of every­one from cap­tain through cook to bot­tle-wash­er say­ing nove­nas to Me and singing hymns of praise to Me, and seek­ing My mer­cy; es­pe­cial­ly dur­ing the bat­ting pow­er­play. Why is every­body ha­rass­ing Me so much to help West In­dies win? Have West In­di­ans nev­er heard of net firetruck­ing prac­tice?

God

The Par­ty Stand

Heav­en

Sir

Just when you thought we couldn't mix things up any more, af­ter we suc­cess­ful­ly turned the en­tire Queen's Park Sa­van­nah in­to a round­about and then sent every­body head­ing to Mar­aval from Kapok Ho­tel quite Long Cir­cu­lar Mall via Fed­er­a­tion Park, we sud­den­ly re­mem­bered how many streets we had to firetruck with in Wood­brook.

The Traf­fic Man­age­ment Branch

Min­istry of What­ev­er Works

Strug­gling With Ir­re­spon­si­ble

Tri­ni Dri­vers

Sir

It re­al­ly had to do with panty lines. Or maybe it had to do with the Con­cor­dat. Or maybe it was the im­por­tance of de­fend­ing the glo­ri­ous Hin­du tra­di­tions or some­thing. We just want all-you to think that it don't have any­thing at all to do with let­ting lit­tle Cre­ole in­to the school.

Sat Ma­haraj

Still in Charge and Still Charg­ing

Mas­sa Sab­ha

Sir

My peo­ple want me, of course, to con­test the post of par­ty chair­man, of course. I do not, of course, do it for my­self, of course. I have noth­ing to gain from any­thing I do for the coun­try, of course. Just as I had ear­li­er giv­en my life to world foot­ball, I have now giv­en my life to T&T. Just to make it clear, though, there are no meet­ings sched­uled at the Hy­att.

Austin 'Jack-Slide' Warn­er

FI­FA-Foe-From

Cen­tre of Ex­trav­a­gance

Sir

We nev­er in our wildest fire-truck­ing dreams thought we'd be nos­tal­gic for George Dubya Bush.

The Re­pub­li­can Par­ty

Can­di­date Night­mares

Unit­ed States of Oba­ma

Sir

Might I re­spect­ful­ly sug­gest that next year's Car­ni­val So­ca Monarch com­pe­ti­tion in­clude, not just mil­lion-dol­lar prizes for the Pow­er So­ca and Groovy So­ca Mon­archs, but an­oth­er, en­tire­ly new mil­lion-dol­lar prize for the Win­er-Boy-Who-Was-Too-Young-to-So­ca Monarch; and may the best man win, who­ev­er the hell he might turn out to be.

Machel Mon­tano

Chook­ing Waist for a

Next Mil­lion Bucks

Short of Cash

Sir

Who­ev­er says I don't have any ideas for Port-of-Spain ob­vi­ous­ly ent try park­ing they car any­where in Wood­brook re­cent­ly!

May­or Louis Leas­ing-Wreck­ers

The Park­ing Lot

City Hall

Sir

My de­ci­sion to leave the Con­gress of the Peo­ple and join the Unit­ed Na­tion­al Con­gress had noth­ing what­ev­er to do with my un­der­stand­ing the cold, hard po­lit­i­cal re­al­i­ty that the UNC has en­tire­ly for­sak­en all the for­mer Peo­ple's Part­ner­ship part­ners and is now tak­ing care on­ly of its trib­al rump.

But, just of out idle cu­rios­i­ty, how does one go about con­vert­ing to Hin­duism?

Mar­lene Coudray-Doolahin

Deputy Po­lit­i­cal Leader To Be

Unit­ed Na­tion­al Firetruck

the Rest Con­gress

Sir

Be­fore we reach in the end of the month/ I telling you straight in front/ I could do bet­ter than Ju­lian Hunte/ He is just a sil­ly non-achiev­er.

The Mighty Op­por­tunist

Still in the Rumshop

But Still Hop­ing for a

Chance in the Tent

Sir

I just want to spread the word, eh, that I'm hav­ing a fundrais­er for the UNC; I like how they keep at­ten­tion fo­cused on the shenani­gans of the Gov­ern­ment, eh.

Calder Hart

Gat­ed Com­mu­ni­ty

with a Dent­ed Gate

Flori­da

Sir

It re­al­ly have to do with cul­tur­al tra­di­tions. Or maybe it have to do with re­spect for oth­er peo­ple be­lief and thing. Or maybe it have to do with ho­n­our­ing an­cient ties with the moth­er­land. We just don't want all-you to think it have any­thing to do with a set­ta hard­back old men hav­ing sex with 12-year-old chil­dren.

Sat Ma­haraj

Cul­tur­al De­fend­er

Ma­ha Su­tra

Sir

Wait! They could an­swer we back? What jail is this?

The Po­lice Ser­vice Com­mis­sion

Put Un­der Man­ners

While At­tempt­ing to Man­ners

Them White Boys

Sir

Just let­ting you know that, when­ev­er Ken Gor­don gone, I ready to take over the In­tegri­ty Com­mis­sion chair­man work. If the priest could play, who is me?

Lawrence Duprey

Flori­da Pent­house Heights

Cli­co Depths

n BC Pires is a man of let­ters. Vis­it www.BCRaw.com to

read more of his writ­ing