FAYOLA K J FRASER
“She real real cute, eh.” Raymond Edwards jokingly banters with his wife, Desiree Connor-Edwards, with the playful love and affection that bears no markings of an almost 16-year union that has put the sacred marriage vows of “for better or for worse … in sickness and in health” to the ultimate test.
Edwards is a media icon, a well-loved singer, and a two-time cancer survivor who wears no tell-tale signs of a difficult health journey over the better part of two decades, his radiant spirit overflowing with a deep-seated joy and positivity. Edwards’ wife, Connor-Edwards, having been there for him (as he was for her) through this journey, is pragmatic, and accepts no praise for her steadfast support, saying that her Christian upbringing taught her that love isn’t sweaty palms and butterflies, and “our love covers a multitude.”
As is the case with many couples, the story of how they met, and “who track who,” tends to have very fuzzy origins, with Connor-Edwards remembering one version, and Edwards putting forward his own version. Their paths first crossed in 2001, both journalists working for different media houses, when Connor-Edwards, who was at the Red House on assignment, made her way to the media loft, and saw Edwards, instantly feeling drawn to him.
Edwards, however, was not even aware of her presence that day, but fondly recalled meeting her at a Rotary Club luncheon in Long Circular Mall on his birthday. As he was greeting people and sharing hugs for his birthday, she decided to ask him, “‘Well, can I have a hug too?!’” Although taken aback at the moment by her forthrightness, 22 years later, they both still remember that hug. Their paths would cross frequently through the media industry, and before they began dating later that year, people already assumed that they were a couple, as they fit seamlessly together.
In 2003, while sitting on the porch at Connor-Edwards’ home in Arouca, then 28-year-old Edwards began suddenly feeling ill, and with the painful experience of his father’s death from cancer weighing heavily on his mind, he turned to Connor-Edwards and said, “Des, I think I have cancer.”
He underwent tests, which confirmed that he did in fact have colon cancer. He subsequently underwent a surgical procedure to remove his ascending colon, leaving him with his transverse and descending colon. During that period, they were still a relatively new and young couple, but according to Edwards “she eh run, she eh move,” but stuck faithfully by his side through his surgery and recovery.
Connor-Edwards was even there to see and touch the cancerous part of his colon when the doctor removed it from his body. His recovery period revealed another diagnosis–diabetes–which also had its own complications, but never deterred the unshakeable woman that is Desiree Connor-Edwards.
“She stick by you through everything, she stood up with you and she didn’t move.” These were some of the sentiments of Edwards’ close family and friends when he shared with them that he was planning to propose marriage to Connor-Edwards in 2003. The tough conversations surrounding his diagnosis, treatment and recovery included the possibility of his death, but Connor-Edwards was “right there with me, helping me plan for the worst-case scenario.”
Statistics have shown that over 75 per cent of marriages involving a partner diagnosed with a chronic illness end in divorce. In the case of this remarkable couple, however, the diagnosis of not one, but two chronic illnesses brought them closer together and made Edwards renew her commitment to a lifetime of their love.
In contemporary society, many engagements happen in a theatrical expression of romance–at a glamorous location, often with a photographer on call and a lavish diamond that is meant to symbolise their commitment. This couple, who shines as a beacon of the true meaning of marriage, was not drawn to theatrics, or the excessive showmanship that accompanies many proposals. Instead, Edwards turned to his then-girlfriend, after an afternoon of doctor-mandated soaking in the ocean in Tobago, and said ‘Des, lewwe do this thing nah.’”
After Connor-Edwards happily agreed, he told his parents, who were also in Tobago at the time, “we doing this.” Unable to fathom the challenges that would later arise, but well aware of the monumental challenges that they had already overcome, they made their commitment to each other and to doing “this”, to love and cherish each other in all circumstances, for the rest of their lives.
Seeking to further her education, Connor-Edwards left Trinidad in 2004, not long after their engagement, to pursue a degree in Media and Communications at UWI Mona. “This was before the days of video calls, and Zoom,” Edwards recalls, but even in that period of physical separation, they remained as connected as ever.
‘Ray of Hope’
Upon her return in 2006, and after Edwards was offered a role as Senior Producer at CNMG, and simultaneously released his first (Christmas) album “Ray of Hope”, they began planning their beachfront wedding in Tobago. Both Connor-Edwards’ father and Edwards’ mother are from Tobago, making their connection with the island very significant.
Connor-Edwards’ dream was to have a wedding on the beach, and when she opened her eyes at Blue Haven Hotel in Tobago on October 20, 2007, ready and rearing for her beachfront nuptials, her morning greeting was a torrential downpour, rain pelting out the sky. Despite having to resort to the alternative plan of having the wedding indoors, when asked about her wedding day, Connor-Edwards believes that “perfect” is the only word that adequately describes it.
In the lead-up to the wedding, Edwards anxiously refused to agree to sing for his wife, as he had witnessed too many performances where one of the members of the couple was too overwhelmed with wedding-day jitters to properly execute a performance. As Connor-Edwards grasped her father’s elbow and slowly made her way up the aisle to what she thought was a track from a CD, she saw Edwards’ elbow bent and wondered why. He slowly spun around to reveal that he was holding a microphone and began to sing a heartfelt tribute to his bride. Overcome with emotion, and unable to mask her shock, Connor-Edwards beamed lovingly at her groom, while he serenaded her, singing, “You are so beautiful to me.”
In the years following their marriage, Edwards now “had the chance to support Des and be there for her,” as she struggled with fibroids and the death of her mother in 2010. At 70 years old, her mother unexpectedly passed away from a sudden stroke. “He was my rock,” she muses, and throughout the entirety of their marriage, it is clear that both Edwards and his wife have taken turns anchoring each other in place by lovingly and selflessly supporting each other during some of the most difficult times.
Edwards’ eyes twinkled as he explained his surprise to his wife in 2013, when, for their wedding anniversary, he planned (unbeknownst to her), to whisk her away to Colorado to enjoy a vacation with her sister. He planned the surprise down to the minutiae, even asking her then-supervisor for approval for her absence from work without her knowing. The day before they were scheduled to depart he revealed the surprise. When they arrived at Piarco the next morning, Connor-Edwards turned to her husband, saying “Ray, I don’t care what happens next, thank you. I already had a ball.”
Without even stepping foot on the plane, she was already awestruck and delighted by the immeasurable expression of love and romance Edwards had shown in planning this vacation for her.
During the vacation in Colorado, suffering from extreme altitude sickness, Edwards was admitted to the hospital. Connor-Edwards, as always, was faithfully at his side ... “Except for the days I went shopping,” she sheepishly admitted with a grin. Edwards already had a wound from a diabetic ulcer that was previously treated in Trinidad. The doctor in Colorado interfered with the ulcer, debriding the wound and ultimately leaving a hole in Edwards’ foot with the bone exposed. By the time he left the hospital and returned to Trinidad, Edwards’ foot was infected, resulting in countless hospital admissions, which culminated in him eventually contracting sepsis. Sepsis, a life-threatening medical emergency, is the body’s extreme response to an infection which causes symptoms such as fever, and vomiting. While at the hospital, a doctor announced that amputation was the next step for Edwards, and he promptly discharged himself from the hospital to seek another medical opinion.
Steadfast and dedicated to their marriage vows
Before he was able to see his doctor, Connor-Edwards resumed her caregiving role and supported Edwards by changing his wound dressing. “I never even thought about it as me being a caregiver, he needed his wound dressed, so I dressed the wound.” Connor-Edwards’ straightforward approach to her husband’s health challenges remains an incredible representation of her strength and love. One afternoon, while changing his dressing, the ulcer exploded, spraying fluids all over their bedroom wall. They rushed to Sangre Grande Hospital to see Edwards’ doctor, and he underwent emergency surgery–a partial calcanectomy–removing the infected heel bone.
Edwards’ recovery period from the surgery required him to stay at the Sangre Grande Hospital for the next four months. Connor-Edwards, who was at the time working in Port-of-Spain, left their home in Diego Martin every morning to get to work at 6 am, left her office at 1 pm, and arrived at Sangre Grande Hospital every day at 4 pm to spend every precious minute of the visiting hour with her beloved husband. She then left Sangre Grande at 5 pm and drove back to Diego Martin, not arriving home before nightfall.
Edwards admitted he worried about her on those long days, secretly commissioning one of their neighbours to let him know as soon as she got into their driveway. The unwavering Connor-Edwards was once again steadfast and dedicated to their marriage vows, ensuring her physical presence was not missed one day in those four months.
This level of commitment that they both share, oftentimes through months of sickness or loss, is a representation of what they describe as their “choice” to love. Edwards calls her “my everything,” and describes their union as “not what I dreamed marriage to be … it’s so much better.” Connor-Edwards maintains that “real love is tough. It’s not butterflies and fairytales. Whatever comes at us, our love covers it.”
Marriage, as a legal and social contract that can be modified by divorce, is often agreed to by innocent young sweethearts, who cannot, and often do not have to fathom the seemingly insurmountable challenges that come their way. Edwards and Connor-Edwards continued after his surgery to navigate life with each other, kept close, held together by their promises to choose each other every day, “love always, and forgive everything.”
The next years for Edwards and Connor-Edwards remained full of new diagnoses, increasing health challenges, a physical separation for a time, and a role reversal.
Look out next Sunday for part two of this incredible love story.
Fayola K J Fraser is a professional in the international development arena. She has a BA in International (Middle Eastern) Studies and an MSc in International Relations & Diplomacy from the London School of Economics.