Tricia St John
Imagine what it would be like if people said exactly how they felt, what they thought, and what they wanted. One could argue that it would be mean and downright selfish to openly confess to feelings that people always appear too afraid to express. On the other hand, one could also argue that being entirely honest at all times could make things easier across the board for all involved.
You get ho*d you don’t spoil him anymore the way you used to whilst courting. You spend more time going out with your girlfriends and he cannot begin to remember when last you both had a date night. The children listen to you more and usually disregard his input in a way that is blatantly disrespectful.
Both of you get up every day, go to work, and come home with these thoughts in your head but neither of you say anything. When things are left unsaid it can have a negative impact on the health of your relationship with the people around you. Be it a spouse, family member, or friend. Loving relationships are no different from any other relationship you have with people you meet along the way. Choosing to not express a thought, feeling, or emotion does not make them disappear or become less significant.
Thoughts, feelings, and emotions are energies that if not expressed and released, stay stuck in your energetic field and build up within and around you. One consequence of this is that the other person, maybe not consciously, can pick up on what you’re holding in, and the memory of that moment and feeling is created. When something similar happens it can be triggered again, and at that time, you release all the emotions that were attached to it, thus causing an overreaction to the situation. Or perhaps, despite what is considered the norm, it is more a release of the stress placed on your mind, which causes a pressure cooker effect.
People subscribe to different things for different reasons. Gym membership, because we’re ready to make a conscious effort to be healthier. Build muscle. Get toned. Netflix to access shows not available on local television. Magazines and newspapers, to keep up with news, fashion, and for some, the obituaries.
We subscribe for different reasons, such as convenience, product tangibility, control and choice (limited) and a sense of community. As a species, we have a basic human need to connect with those around us. With a subscription, you select to become part of something and you share this experience with other subscribers. The subscription relationship also provides a new level of trust and connection between the brand and the consumer. But how many of you would like to cancel your subscription on some of the things that you signed up for, acknowledging that at the time you believed it was what you wanted but now you’re either sure you don’t want it or you’re conflicted.
Some things leave you drained, tugged every which way, frustrated and harassed. Jobs can have this effect. Friendships too. Some people are naturally negative, and regardless of how the coin is tossed, regardless of the result, they are going to have an issue. Friendships like these are draining and can cause stress and stress-related issues. But the other person needs you, or so you believe. You’ve known them a long time and they have helped you through a lot, so you feel obligated. But what about your mental, and in some cases, physical health? Why can’t you simply cancel your subscription without caring about what others say or think? Why do random, oftentimes unimportant people get to have the final say on what you should and should not be doing?
Last week I got so frustrated by some of the finer details in my life, that I found a quiet place and had a good cry. What happened with that was, in the middle of my meltdown I started talking to God, as I want to do at any given time. Someone said to me once that God probably shakes his head and ‘tsks’ whenever he sees me heading in his direction. I laughed at that because I’m quite sure it’s true half the time, the other half he probably wants to shake me upside down.
The conversation went something like this: Listen to me eh, God, ah real tired Ah know ah singing dat for the longest time and I know you know exactly how I feel. I don’t want to be strong anymore, I just want to be Tricia, without the expectation of strength.
I am cancelling my subscription please and thanks, coz I never signed up for any of the add-ons life has been sending my way. I am tired of fighting. To prove I can do everything just as good as everyone else. Tired of trying to prove I am a good parent. The reality is that we make children and teach them what we believe to be the right thing. I taught mine what I believed to be right, but they still went out there and did whatever they wanted. Half of those things have absolutely nothing to do with what they were taught.
I am tired of being whispered about by people who don’t know or understand what my life has been like. If I had wanted to be in constant fight mode, I would have joined the army, you know that, right? So then tell me, what’s really all of this? You don’t find it’s too much? I deserve better than all this nonsense, you know. So just allow me to unsubscribe from the add-ons. I’m not greedy so I’m giving you back all, every single one, so I could get a minute to catch my breath. Ok?
It doesn’t serve our purpose to stay quiet when we should speak up. Things left unsaid have the power to destroy what you have created. Express your feelings at any time without being afraid of the consequences. If it angers you, say that. Makes you sad, say that too. Makes you happy, feel free to express that. It’s ok to feel, to want, to evolve. Don’t let anyone dictate what should and shouldn’t be in your life. If something or someone no longer serves your purpose, let it go. Let them go. Choose you. Every time. Don’t be afraid to cancel your subscription.
Tricia St John is an author, motivational speaker and domestic violence survivor.