Of the almost 1,500 people (friends) on my Facebook page, I know that some of them are parents.
I know that of the 200 plus individuals who comment when I post something significant, some have a child or children in their care. I know that most of them post pictures when celebrating their children’s birthdays or their entry into primary school at the age of five, passing SEA at the age of 11 or when waiting on CSEC results at the age of 15 — all milestones in the lives of our children.
On August 2, we will celebrate JB’s 18th birthday and the 12th anniversary of The Just Because Foundation, but he’s not here, not physically. (The Just Because Foundation is an incorporated, non-profit, Paediatric Cancer Support Organisation in Trinidad and Tobago established by Noel and Chevaughn Joseph who, after a tenacious two-year battle, lost their five-year-old son Jabez “JB” Joseph to Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare form of childhood cancer.)
In my mind I can still hear his voice, his laughter and his words of wisdom. I distinctly remember one day when he was very sick and was warded at hospital on Med 2 for chemotherapy. I kept asking him if there was anything I could do to make him feel better. I knew there was nothing I could do other than to pray and pray I did indeed. I prayed so hard…in my mind, not out loud for him to hear. As the tears started to roll down my face I went to the washroom and closed the door. I was bawling but no sound was coming from my mouth. I doubled over in the bath area…the pain in my chest and stomach was like a knife piercing my heart and soul. It didn’t last long though. I was good at masking my pain and pulling myself together. I usually kept Visine in my handbag, so I quickly put a few drops in my eyes to remove the redness, washed my face, put on my fake smile and went back into JB’s room.
He looked at me. His bright eyes locked into the stare of a person far more mature than that of a five-year-old and then he spoke, “I know you were crying.” (Silence!) “I don’t want you to cry, mom.” (Silence!) “I will be fine.”
So on August 2, I will remember those words as I celebrate his 18th birthday and the 12th Anniversary of the JB Foundation. I will try not to cry, but, just in case I will have my Visine at hand.
I know many parents who celebrate their children’s birthdays by watching pictures or reminiscing with family and friends. Some visit their graves trying not to cry but crying anyway, wishing that it is all a dream, hoping they will wake up from the worst nightmare ever…but you don’t wake up.
Our only solace is the realisation that our children are in a better place, free from pain because that is what we are told over and over and over again.
I am happy to have celebrated five birthdays with JB as I know some parents who weren’t that lucky. JB died when he was just five years old. So I am truly blessed. Although he’s not here in the physical realm, he’s in my heart and because of him I can touch lives and be of service to many families who are experiencing the devastation of childhood cancer.
To everyone reading this: please celebrate your children, hug them, kiss them, guide and protect them and most importantly, pray with and for them. Before JB was diagnosed with cancer I was just like you...a parent of a beautiful child with a promising future and many birthdays to celebrate…not knowing that I would only get five.
I thank God for Jabez ‘JB’ Joseph. Happy 18th birthday son! I love you just as much as you love me. Rest in perfect peace my beautiful angel, until we meet again.
For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; Ps 91:11