“Imagine while other children get excited when their fathers reach home…these children cringe and want to hide.”
“When they hear the door of their bedroom open at nights these poor little girls shake with fear.”
This is according to psychiatrist Dr Varma Deyalsingh who has described the epidemic of child sexual abuse in T&T as, “A problem which we have been living with for far too long.”
As secretary of the Association of Psychiatrists of T&T (APTT), the Independent Senator lamented, “Sometimes when adults come to see me with depression, anxiety and other mental health issues…only after a level of trust is built up would they mention that they were sexually abused as a child.”
He said often times, these persons are, “Filled with disgust, shame and helplessness.”
While this is particularly disturbing, Deyalsingh said he had observed a worrying trend in that, “Some do not even recognise the dire effects child sexual abuse has had on their mental health.”
He explained, “In the home where they should feel the safest…getting away from the world in which they have no safe space now becomes the issue as it is a prison.”
“When the love and the respect for the dad who is supposed be protecting me but is instead hurting me…when that love collides with the hate and the fear, these intense continuous and conflicting emotions are churned around in the mind thus fuelling mental illness.”
Deyalsingh said in some instances, these situations can continue for years.
He added that some persons do not even know it is wrong initially because, “Some girls who grow up in a home where it is accepted and don’t even know it is wrong until they see a show or hear about sexual abuse and incest.”
He said, “I have found that they only experience the emotional trauma after knowing a wrong has been done to them.”
He claimed yet another traumatic experience faced by some was, “When they go to their mothers to complain…they are often scolded, beaten, blamed and ignored.”
“The other protector in the home failed them so they learn the hard way that they have no one.”
Deyalsingh said, “These children feel all alone in the world and grow up not trusting others. Some cut themselves, abuse drugs to cope with their feelings, turn promiscuous or the opposite to become frigid adults, suffer post trauma stress such as panic attacks and depression, and ultimately, some kill themselves.”
Claiming that the figures provided by the Children’s Authority for 2015 to 2018 which indicated there were 14,581 cases of child abuse was, “Just a drop in the bucket and is a gross underestimation,” Deyalsingh was critical as he said, “Of the cases that make it to court, only two per cent result in an actual conviction.”
He warned, “Human beings are creatures of habit and those who escape conviction, may turn to other children for their sexual gratification.”
“A father who abuses his daughter would, if not stopped, turn to other siblings or even nieces and other innocent children.”
A visibly upset Deyalsingh said, “There are many more cases of this hidden epidemic of abuse.”
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“In 2008, a study on school children exhibiting violent behaviour found that 40 per cent mentioned sexual abuse in the home and in 2002, a study done in Tobago on 676 young adults found that 13 per cent of those between ten and 14 years had sex, and six per cent had sex with a father, a stepfather, an uncle, or older people.”
Declaring the relevant authorities had to stop abuse in the embryonic stage, Deyalsingh suggested a renewed role for parents and guardians as he said these persons had to start “singing” at the first inappropriate touch - to let children know it is wrong and also for others to be aware and for the perpetrators to know they are being monitored.
Applauding the Ministry of Education’s “Good Touch, Bad Touch” programme which utilizes posters and teaching tools to help children distinguish what is a good touch and what is a bad touch, Deyalsingh recommended using the alphabet and counting, “So we teach them that certain areas of the body are private.”
He said, “This educational tool can be done in a child friendly way and adapted to different ages. All early learning centers should be mandated to teach this.”
Meanwhile, Deyalsingh also expressed concern over mothers who turn a blind eye to certain situations because of financial commitments.
He said, “Mothers have to look out, not for stranger danger but father molester…the nephew…the uncle.”
“You have to look out for your new boyfriend. The man could be going through you to get at your daughters.”
In his daily practice, Deyalsingh admitted, “Part of the pain my patients have is not getting the support of their mothers.”
He in turn urged, “If you want to be a mother…you have a duty and responsibility to your child. If a child under your care is allowed to be sexually abused and you remain silent, this should be a crime as you have been negligent in your duty.”
“If persons are saying mothers/parents should be blamed for allowing their young sons to join a gang…then so too, if they allow their daughters to be raped. I have seen too many mothers having children with different fathers and not protecting these innocent beings whom God has put in our care. Being a parent is a privilege.”
Deyalsingh also urged parents to reassure children so they know that despite speaking out, they would be safe as some abusers use threats and even attempt to hurt other family members in order to make them keep quiet.
He said in this regard, “If any one even touches them inappropriately, they would raise an alarm. They could tell their teacher, aunt or someone…and once informed, they can send social workers into the home so the father, uncle, brother or neighbor would know he is being monitored and this can be one way to stop this behavior before it escalates. We would be empowering our children.”
Proposing to bring legislation to the Parliament to ensure these recommendations become law, Deyalsingh expressed uncertainty as to why some mothers were not coming forward to report incidents of abuse.
He cited shame, fear, cultural acceptance, and financial dependence as the four major factors inhibiting the process of reporting.
Shame he claimed while understandable, was unacceptable.
He explained, “This would destroy many families and they want to maintain their status quo, but failure to stop this could produce an individual who is psychologically destroyed.”
“To force these delinquent mothers to act, I support putting their names in the sexual offenders register as this would be a bigger shame that could motivate other mothers to come forward. Put them in as non reporters just as other proposed professions like doctors, nurses, and teachers who fail to report sexual activity in children.”
In the case of fear, Deyalsingh said, “Some do not complain because they are scared of the man, but just as we encourage the domestic violence victim to flee and go to a safe house, the same principle can be applied here.”
Claiming it was time to change accepted norms and practices, Deyalsingh said it was time to stop the cultural acceptance of situations where some mothers themselves were abused and see nothing wrong with this and downplay it to their daughters.
Lastly, he called for the immediate cessation of situations where step-fathers/boyfriends are allowed to interfere with young girls because he showers the mother with gifts and money.
He said, “This maternal pimping must be punished.”
Declaring that 2,500 teenage pregnancies a year was too much, Deyalsingh spoke of the challenges he faced with patients who present with a mental illness brought on by child sexual abuse - including the lack of belief by family members who accuse the patient of imagining things because of mental illness and not believe it is the abuse which caused the illness.
Another impediment to a victim’s quest for justice he said, was the lack of action/ability to reach into the past to punish these offenders.
He said, “As it stands now, we depend on other family members to come forward but this is not always reliable.”
“We need something like the ‘Me Too’ movement to name and shame these shadow figures..if only to warn others to watch out for these men who may have gone on to new victims.”
Deyalsingh concluded, “The existing system is failing our children.”
“We have to give a collective apology to all those persons waiting years for justice as many cases take ten years and more to be heard. But even as we wait, we need to reach out to the majority those of being raped and ravaged by their relatives in their homes and who can do nothing. These are the silent victims we need to help.”
BOX
What Is Child Abuse?
Signs of abuse can include but are not limited to physical, sexual or emotional maltreatment of a child under the age of 18 which can result in harm, the potential to cause harm or the threat of harm.
Child abuse can take place in a child’s home or in the organisations, schools or communities of which the child is a part.
Types of abuse include sexual, physical, emotional or psychological, and neglect.
SIDEBAR
President of Int’l Women’s Resource Network (IWRN) Adriana Sandrine Isaac-Rattan is outraged yet saddened over the number of reported incidents of child abuse in T&T as quoted by the Children’s Authority (CA).
CA officials estimated that close to 18,000 incidents had been reported since the CA began operating in 2015.
The IWRN said, “It simply means that every day, 12 children are abused in our nation.”
Labelling the epidemic of child abuse a “national crisis,” Isaac-Rattan said while CA had to be commended for its intervention strategies, “Gaps still exist regarding the handling of these cases and urgent questions must be answered.”
“Yes, the Children’s Authority is doing some work but we believe interventions are not holistic enough to really solve the problem.”
Isaac-Rattan challenged the CA to answer if affected minors were taken away from their toxic spaces while the matter is being assessed; list what checks and balances were in place to ensure that the victims are protected in their new environment; indicate what type of monitoring and evaluation framework was in place to ensure holistic healing of victims; confirm what punishment the abusers face; reveal if there is a counseling/healing mechanism in place to treat with victims; provide an update on if a sex-crime court will be set up to deal with these matters swiftly and fairly; and what steps were being taken to stop the abusers from continuing these acts against other citizens.
She also questioned if children were being educated enough to know and speak out if they were being abused.
A fired-up Isaac-Rattan said while T&T did not need to reinvent the wheel, as a society - T&T had to strengthen its operations by adopting best practices from international organizations such as the Canadian Centre for Child Protection and the Prevention Child Sexual Abuse network in the US.
