How do you deal with difficult people who are very comfortable telling lies, being a bully or loud mouth? Last week I was asked that question more times than I care to remember. One important thing to appreciate is that there will always be difficult people in any field of endeavour. Once you are in leadership, there is no escape. Leadership is leadership, no matter where you go or what you do. Times change but the principles of leadership are constant, unchanging and stand the test of time. In this context leadership is a process. The problem is that most people including those who tend to bully and be unreasonable underestimate the power of process and want quick fixes.
Process encourages development, matures people, is a culture issue and is difficult for those who are by nature impatient, selfish and dishonest. It is also important to understand that as long as a person doesn't know what he or she doesn't know, he or she isn't going to grow and improve. Difficult people thrive on their belief that by shouting the loudest or being manipulative and disingenuous they can intimidate others into doing things their way. Admittedly, we are all human and it can become frustrating at times especially when faced with the usually relentless haranguing that is the strength of difficult people. Their persistent pursuit of their agenda without consideration can become burdensome. But getting frustrated, angry, disappointed and overwhelmed is not going to alter the situation. You may not be able to change the behaviour of the difficult person but you can learn from it. Moreover, it is their constitutional right to express their view.
It is always important in such situations to have a reference point. One such reference point can be Abraham Lincoln, considered by many to be one of the greatest US presidents. Lincoln's perspectives on things were so different from most government officials that he faced constant antagonism. He took unpopular positions. He was elected president by one of the lowest popular margins in US history. He was regularly ridiculed and attacked by the media. He was unpopular within his own party (The Republicans).Yet, because he was willing to do what was unpopular, taking deliberate stands on conscience, enduring public abuse and the loss of friends, power and prestige. He is credited with saving the 'Union' and emancipating slaves in what is now know as the United States of America. Lincoln's determination to do what is right and make the tough calls is an important leadership example that can be applied to anyone in a leadership position-be it a family leader, a sport leader, a community, business or political leader-the willingness to do the right thing even when it may not be popular or safe to do so. I think most people miss the point when it comes to the issue of leadership.
There is a lot of focus on power, authority, perks and popularity. However, as in everything else, the true litmus test is how do you behave when no one is watching? Who are you from the inside out? What are your core values and principles? Especially when under pressure, leaders must make sure they are acting in ways consistent with their beliefs and core values. There is a lot of pressure from peers, difficult people and others, and every day your values and character are being challenged. That is just the way the process of life is. The better you know yourself the more true you are to yourself. It is better to ask yourself the right questions and give honest answers to that person in the mirror. How do you deal with difficult people and challenging situations? Be true to yourself. Face the discomfort confident in the understanding that adversity breeds opportunity. Don't become a victim of circumstances... overcome them. Discipline is the foundation of courage and the willingness to do what is right even though it may be unpopular.
Brian Lewis is the Honorary Secretary General
of the Trinidad and Tobago Olympic Committee (T&TOC).
The views expressed are his own and not necessarily
that of the T&TOC.
