Drs Austin and Rox­anne Tan­to­co cel­e­brat­ed their 40th wed­ding an­niver­sary by re­new­ing their wed­ding vows at the St Fran­cis RC Church at Brier­ley Street, San­gre Grande, last week Sun­day.

Fr Mike De Ver­teuil, who of­fi­ci­at­ed at the re­new­al of vows cer­e­mo­ny, said mar­riage should not on­ly be a hap­py time when the bride and groom tie the knot, but it should be hap­py for life. He said this can on­ly hap­pen if both peo­ple trust and con­fide in each oth­er. He said the words jeal­ousy and ego should nev­er be part of mar­riages as this is where the trou­ble be­gins.

De Ver­teuil con­grat­u­lat­ed the Tan­to­cos on their 40th wed­ding an­niver­sary and for their trust in God. Rox­anne and Austin, both med­ical prac­ti­tion­ers, lived up to their sa­cred oath when they got mar­ried 40 years ago and con­tin­ue to live a hap­py life. The cou­ple has two chil­dren and four grand­chil­dren.

Dr Austin Tan­to­co, when asked how to main­tain a long and suc­cess­ful mar­riage, said “love” was the key.

"Keep show­ing your love to your wife by tak­ing her out for din­ner, buy­ing gifts, go­ing for hol­i­days, and sur­prise her by pur­chas­ing things she keeps ask­ing for. Most im­por­tant, at­tend church reg­u­lar­ly."

Tan­to­co said mon­ey can­not buy love but must come nat­u­ral­ly from both par­ties.

He said he was not the per­fect hus­band as chal­lenges arise at times. He warned that third par­ties should not get in­volved when prob­lems arise, "It should be solved am­i­ca­bly be­tween your wife and your­self."

His wife, mean­while, said to have a last­ing mar­riage the cou­ple must con­tin­ue be friends with each oth­er. "It should al­ways be like when you be­gan dat­ing, this wipes out the word hus­band and wife. Be­ing friends is al­ways ex­cit­ing and clos­es all doors for quar­rels. In be­tween, text a love verse for your hus­band or send a card telling him he's missed by you, play songs that were your favourites when dat­ing, all these will re­in­force the love and keep it alive."

She said one of the most im­por­tant in­gre­di­ents in a last­ing mar­riage was to avoid be­ing bossy but in­stead, di­a­logue with each oth­er. "It works and the love for each oth­er grows," she added. She ad­vised women, "Al­ways have re­spect for your hus­band and nev­er ac­cept his cheat­ing on you."

Rox­anne said too of­ten when both peo­ple are work­ing, they sel­dom com­mu­ni­cate with each oth­er, which ac­counts for the love get­ting sour.

“I and my hus­band, both med­ical doc­tors, will al­ways com­mu­ni­cate with each oth­er when we re­turn from work. We will look at tele­vi­sion, sit by the ta­ble and have din­ner, shar­ing our food with each oth­er like when we be­gan dat­ing.

"We nev­er feel like we got mar­ried 40 years ago, be­cause we are like lovers, just as it hap­pened 40 years ago."

Her ad­vice to peo­ple think­ing of get­ting mar­ried is to do a thor­ough check on the one you want to be your part­ner. "Look at the char­ac­ter­is­tics of the per­son and en­sure he has a place to call home and he is per­ma­nent­ly em­ployed. Stay­ing by in-laws is a very dif­fi­cult task and can end your mar­riage as dic­tat­ing by some in-laws can have a dam­ag­ing ef­fect on one’s mar­riage," she added.

—re­port­ing by RALPH BAN­WARIE