How to en­gage with friends with autis­tic chil­dren:

1. Don't judge/as­sume

So you see a child in the mid­dle of the su­per­mar­ket throw­ing a tantrum? Could it be just a spoiled child want­i­ng his/her way? Yes. Could it be an autis­tic child hav­ing a sen­so­ry melt­down?

Yes. Give them the ben­e­fit of the doubt, be­cause re­gard­less of who they are they need your help, not your judg­ment.

2. "Don't you think you should..."

Trust me, you don't know what it is like. You might think you know what it is like but you don't. Par­ents of chil­dren un­der the spec­trum re­search and try dif­fer­ent meth­ods on a dai­ly ba­sis and even though we know most of you have the best of in­ten­tions, the meth­ods we use with our chil­dren are dif­fer­ent than the ones you use with neu­ro-typ­i­cal chil­dren so please don't be of­fend­ed if we do not fol­low your ad­vice.

3. Write some en­cour­ag­ing words to a par­ent of an autis­tic child.

It doesn't have to be long or la­bo­ri­ous. Just a sim­ple, car­ing note can make their day. What­ev­er you write, nev­er say things like "Oh, I feel so sor­ry for you..."

4. If you have chil­dren, please in­vite an autis­tic child to play dates and birth­days.

A lot of autis­tic chil­dren live iso­lat­ed lives be­cause oth­er chil­dren and their par­ents iso­late them. Please teach your chil­dren about in­clud­ing those who are per­ceived as dif­fer­ent be­cause we are all dif­fer­ent in our own way, but make sure they un­der­stand that even though our chil­dren with autism need em­pa­thy, they do not need sym­pa­thy. If they get to know an autis­tic child, they will know how won­der­ful and in­tel­li­gent they are. They just need ex­tra pa­tience and a lit­tle con­sid­er­a­tion.

5. Lis­ten and be a friend.

Some­times, all we need to do as par­ents is to rant a lit­tle and share how we feel.

6. Help oth­ers un­der­stand that Autism is a neu­ro­log­i­cal con­di­tion and our chil­dren are as smart as the rest, they just learn dif­fer­ent­ly and they have trou­ble in so­cial set­tings.

Just think about an autis­tic per­son as a for­eign­er com­ing to a new land, try­ing to adapt to their new en­vi­ron­ment, learn­ing a new lan­guage and cul­ture.

7. Please do not use the word "re­tard­ed" or "spe­cial" when you are at­tempt­ing to de­scribe a sit­u­a­tion, in­sult oth­ers or make fun of your friends.

It doesn't mat­ter whether or not you mean it in that way but it is both hurt­ful and de­mean­ing and an in­sult for chil­dren with spe­cial needs.

8. If you see me with my chil­dren, please talk to them.

Do not ask ques­tions about them in front of them. You do not need to feel awk­ward. I can help you com­mu­ni­cate with them if they are un­able to re­ply. Do not pre­tend they are not there or that they are deaf and you have to speak loud­er or that they can­not un­der­stand. Please, don't as­sume. Just try.

9. If you meet some­one with autism, you just met one per­son with autism. The spec­trum is huge and just be­cause our chil­dren might not dis­play the same be­hav­ior than the one you met, doesn't mean they are not autis­tic so say­ing they do not "Look" Autis­tic, doesn't help. Help by learn­ing about autism and teach­ing oth­ers about it.

10. Let oth­ers know that Autism Aware­ness Month is a dai­ly, 24/7 oc­cur­rence for a large group of ded­i­cat­ed par­ents all around the world who work, fight, cry and even beg to pro­vide the ther­a­py their chil­dren need to help them reach their full po­ten­tial. In Trinidad specif­i­cal­ly, they are fight­ing stig­ma, ig­no­rance and lack of re­sources.

If you want to help and you mean it, just ask.

Tips pro­vid­ed by M Bor­de.

�2 More in­fo can be found at www.moun­tain­of­sand.com.