He will never be able to speak.
He will never learn to read properly.
He will never be able to play with other children.
He won’t be attending school; you need to homeschool him.
He will never pass his exams.
Disclaimer: this article will offend some people but it’s alright because somebody needs to say it.
You see, the above statements are some of the things parents and caregivers of autistic children have been told. They have heard these words in clinics, schools and assessment rooms from doctors, nurses, therapists and educators. So, let’s not pretend these are just the ignorant comments of random people who do not understand autism.
These are professionals speaking, people with qualifications who are supposed to guide, support and help. That is what makes it so painful.
When somebody in authority speaks with certainty about all the things a child will never do, families hear it as a sentence being passed on their child’s future.
For many parents, when they first begin to notice signs of autism, or receive a diagnosis, it is a deeply traumatic time. They are trying to understand what autism means, while worrying about school, speech, behaviour, therapy and the future.
So, when the very people they turn to for guidance start listing all the things their child will never do, it feels like hope is being snatched away before they even have time to catch their breath.
Those kinds of statements can have a massive psychological effect on parents. They can create anxiety, grief, guilt and self-doubt. Some parents begin to question whether they are expecting too much from their child. Some stop speaking positively because they are afraid of being told they are in denial. A careless sentence spoken in five seconds can remain in a parent’s mind for years, even when their child begins to make progress. That emotional impact is real, and we do not speak enough about it.
This issue is deeply personal for me. I remember being told that my nephew would never be able to speak and that he should learn sign language, even though he already had words. It made me realise how quickly autistic children are underestimated, even by professionals.
Instead of looking at what he could already do and building from there, the focus went straight to what they assumed he would never achieve.
That kind of thinking is dismissive and it places limitation on children, without giving them a chance.
What troubles me deeply is how often autistic children are judged too quickly and too harshly. Their delays are treated as permanent and they are defined by their challenges. Instead of asking, “How does this child learn?” too many people rush to decide, “This child cyah learn.” Instead of asking, “What kind of support will help this child communicate?” they say, “He will never talk.”
We decide far too early that these children have little to offer, we write them off and then we deny them the very support and opportunity that could help them grow.
And let us be honest, this problem is not only about a few rude comments. It reflects a deeper issue in how our society sees autism. In T&T, we are still too comfortable speaking about autistic people only in terms of what they cannot do.
We are quick to focus on what a child cannot do, but we don’t speak about his/her strengths, growth, intelligence and potential. We still have too many professionals who present autism to families in the bleakest possible terms.
Sometimes I wonder if this is deliberately done so when the child starts to show progress, parents will feel that the professionals are working miracles.
Whatever the reason, we have to admit that too many people see difference and assume failure and that ridiculous attitude needs to change.
Now, don’t get me wrong, autism does come with real challenges. Many autistic children need support with communication, learning, behaviour, sensory issues and daily life.
And families desperately need guidance, intervention and practical help. But there is a world of difference between being honest about challenges and writing off a child. You can tell a family the truth about their child’s delays without crushing their hopes. We need professionals who can say, “These are the challenges, but these are the ways we/you can help.”
Many autistic children have already proven people wrong. Children who were told they would never speak have found ways to communicate; some have full conversations despite what they were told.
Children who were written off academically have learned to read, write and pass exams. And even where progress is slower or looks different, that does not make a child less valuable.
So maybe it is time we stop telling parents all the things their children will never do. Maybe it is time that we stop underestimating autistic people and start helping them to live fulfilling lives.
I know it is certainly time that we stop crushing families with negativity. In this country, the biggest thing standing in an autistic person’s way is not autism at all, but the low expectations of the people around them.
