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Monday, March 17, 2025

YOUR DAI­LY HEALTH

Child Incest: The effects of molestation can last a lifetime

by

20120205

The ef­fects of child in­cest are dev­as­tat­ing and pro­found. Most vic­tims of child in­cest suf­fer from guilt, shame and post trau­mat­ic stress dis­or­der which can trig­ger thoughts and feel­ings that trans­port the vic­tim back to the abuse even lat­er on in life. Al­though there are no hard sta­tis­tics for how of­ten child in­cest oc­curs (the shroud of se­cre­cy means that most cas­es go un­re­port­ed), it is known that 75 per cent of in­cest cas­es take place be­tween fa­thers and daugh­ters or step-daugh­ters. When this hap­pens, the moth­er is usu­al­ly liv­ing in the home and aware of what's go­ing on, at least on some lev­el, even though she may de­ny it.

In­cest is a pro­found form of child abuse, and one of the most dev­as­tat­ing ef­fects of child in­cest comes from the con­fus­ing con­stel­la­tion of feel­ings it cre­ates: the in­cest was bad and shame­ful, but the act it­self-the at­ten­tion, con­tact and fondling by an at­ten­tive par­ent-may have cre­at­ed sen­sa­tions that made the child feel good. Due to this, a child of in­cest usu­al­ly ends up with a strong sense of self-loathing and un­wor­thi­ness.

Some of the symp­toms of child in­cest in­clude low self es­teem, de­pres­sion, de­vel­op­men­tal autisms (growth is of­ten stunt­ed at the time that the trau­ma first oc­curred), eat­ing dis­or­ders, fear of doc­tors and den­tists, thoughts that in­ter­fere with healthy be­hav­iors and the in­abil­i­ty to form in­ti­mate re­la­tion­ships with oth­ers or be au­then­tic sex­u­al­ly as an adult be­cause they have dif­fi­cul­ty shar­ing in­ti­mate thoughts from sex­u­al ex­pe­ri­ence.

Most vic­tims pun­ish them­selves un­con­scious­ly be­cause they feel that they are in­trin­si­cal­ly un­wor­thy. As adults, they may choose spous­es who treat them poor­ly, ca­reers that do not ful­fill them and make oth­er choic­es that cre­ate a life­time of suf­fer­ing in big and small ways. Or they may go the oth­er way and their sta­tus as a child in­cest vic­tim may make them feel self-en­ti­tled. Some in­cest vic­tims drown their past in al­co­hol or drugs. They may have bor­der­line per­son­al­i­ty dis­or­der, which is char­ac­terised by sud­den changes in tem­pera­ment and by the state­ment: "I hate you, but don't you dare leave me."

They are al­so at risk for post trau­mat­ic stress dis­or­der, anx­i­ety, de­pres­sion and pho­bias. Some be­come hy­per­sex­u­al as adults; while oth­ers are frigid and can­not let go with any­one, even a part­ner who they are be­gin­ning to trust in oth­er ways. Their re­la­tion­ships with sig­nif­i­cant oth­ers tend to be dys­func­tion­al be­cause they have an un­der­ly­ing sense of mis­trust for peo­ple, do not feel safe in the world and de­vel­op a se­cret self.

What­ev­er the symp­toms, child in­cest de­stroys the in­no­cence of a child and leaves a ru­inous fu­ture in its wake. Ther­a­py can help. How­ev­er, the fo­cus in ther­a­py should be on learn­ing how to get past child­hood trau­ma and val­ue the self. Many ther­a­pists do this by guid­ing adults to re­con­nect with the in­ner child, feel their open­ness, vul­ner­a­bil­i­ty and de­sire to be loved by her par­ents and recog­nise that they were not the bad one, nor were they re­spon­si­ble in any way for their sex­u­al abuse. By learn­ing to love and par­ent that lit­tle child who did not have par­ents who val­ued or cher­ished them, adult vic­tims of child in­cest can heal from their ex­pe­ri­ences, own their pow­er and beau­ty and con­scious­ly change their course in life.

(par­ent­ing-child-de­vel­op­ment.com)

Traits of fam­i­lies that tol­er­ate in­cest and child abuse

Low lev­el of ap­pro­pri­ate touch: In the most tox­ic in­cest fam­i­lies all touch­ing is con­sid­ered taboo. Par­ents do not hug, ca­ress, or cud­dle their chil­dren, as nor­mal fam­i­lies do. This is per­haps the most telling symp­tom of in­cest.

Poly-abu­sive: Sex­u­al child abuse is just one of a num­ber of abus­es tak­ing place in an in­cest fam­i­ly. There may al­so be a his­to­ry of fam­i­ly vi­o­lence, sub­stance abuse, and oth­er crim­i­nal ac­tiv­i­ty.

Du­plic­i­ty, de­ceit, col­lec­tive se­crets: The in­cest fam­i­ly hides its em­bar­rass­ing se­crets.

Rigid and tight­ly con­trolled: In­cest fam­i­lies have rigid rules to pre­vent rev­e­la­tion of their se­crets.

De­mand for blind, ab­solute loy­al­ty: In­cest fam­i­lies usu­al­ly have a dom­i­neer­ing head of house­hold who rules the fam­i­ly through force.

Poor bound­aries: Dis­re­spect for each oth­ers' pri­va­cy, rights, and in­di­vid­u­al­i­ty is com­mon in in­cest fam­i­lies.

Par­ents im­ma­ture and in­ex­pe­ri­enced in life: Par­ents of in­cest fam­i­lies usu­al­ly nev­er be­come ful­ly ma­ture adults. Con­flict­ual mar­riage or trou­bled di­vorce: In in­cest fam­i­lies, this may re­fer to sit­u­a­tions where chil­dren are pushed in­to the dra­ma be­tween a con­flict­ed moth­er and fa­ther.

No child­hood for the chil­dren: In­cest fam­i­lies are somber and strict places, where the au­thor­i­ty fig­ure (usu­al­ly one of the par­ents) dic­tates be­hav­ior for every­one else. Rather than let chil­dren run around and play, they force chil­dren in­to a reg­i­ment­ed rou­tine.

Chaot­ic sit­u­a­tions, trau­mat­ic stress: In­cest of­ten takes place in chaot­ic house­holds, with un­sta­ble roots. These fam­i­lies may move of­ten and lack con­nec­tions to any one com­mu­ni­ty. (sur­re­al­ist.org)


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