The effects of child incest are devastating and profound. Most victims of child incest suffer from guilt, shame and post traumatic stress disorder which can trigger thoughts and feelings that transport the victim back to the abuse even later on in life. Although there are no hard statistics for how often child incest occurs (the shroud of secrecy means that most cases go unreported), it is known that 75 per cent of incest cases take place between fathers and daughters or step-daughters. When this happens, the mother is usually living in the home and aware of what's going on, at least on some level, even though she may deny it.
Incest is a profound form of child abuse, and one of the most devastating effects of child incest comes from the confusing constellation of feelings it creates: the incest was bad and shameful, but the act itself-the attention, contact and fondling by an attentive parent-may have created sensations that made the child feel good. Due to this, a child of incest usually ends up with a strong sense of self-loathing and unworthiness.
Some of the symptoms of child incest include low self esteem, depression, developmental autisms (growth is often stunted at the time that the trauma first occurred), eating disorders, fear of doctors and dentists, thoughts that interfere with healthy behaviors and the inability to form intimate relationships with others or be authentic sexually as an adult because they have difficulty sharing intimate thoughts from sexual experience.
Most victims punish themselves unconsciously because they feel that they are intrinsically unworthy. As adults, they may choose spouses who treat them poorly, careers that do not fulfill them and make other choices that create a lifetime of suffering in big and small ways. Or they may go the other way and their status as a child incest victim may make them feel self-entitled. Some incest victims drown their past in alcohol or drugs. They may have borderline personality disorder, which is characterised by sudden changes in temperament and by the statement: "I hate you, but don't you dare leave me."
They are also at risk for post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression and phobias. Some become hypersexual as adults; while others are frigid and cannot let go with anyone, even a partner who they are beginning to trust in other ways. Their relationships with significant others tend to be dysfunctional because they have an underlying sense of mistrust for people, do not feel safe in the world and develop a secret self.
Whatever the symptoms, child incest destroys the innocence of a child and leaves a ruinous future in its wake. Therapy can help. However, the focus in therapy should be on learning how to get past childhood trauma and value the self. Many therapists do this by guiding adults to reconnect with the inner child, feel their openness, vulnerability and desire to be loved by her parents and recognise that they were not the bad one, nor were they responsible in any way for their sexual abuse. By learning to love and parent that little child who did not have parents who valued or cherished them, adult victims of child incest can heal from their experiences, own their power and beauty and consciously change their course in life.
(parenting-child-development.com)
Traits of families that tolerate incest and child abuse
Low level of appropriate touch: In the most toxic incest families all touching is considered taboo. Parents do not hug, caress, or cuddle their children, as normal families do. This is perhaps the most telling symptom of incest.
Poly-abusive: Sexual child abuse is just one of a number of abuses taking place in an incest family. There may also be a history of family violence, substance abuse, and other criminal activity.
Duplicity, deceit, collective secrets: The incest family hides its embarrassing secrets.
Rigid and tightly controlled: Incest families have rigid rules to prevent revelation of their secrets.
Demand for blind, absolute loyalty: Incest families usually have a domineering head of household who rules the family through force.
Poor boundaries: Disrespect for each others' privacy, rights, and individuality is common in incest families.
Parents immature and inexperienced in life: Parents of incest families usually never become fully mature adults. Conflictual marriage or troubled divorce: In incest families, this may refer to situations where children are pushed into the drama between a conflicted mother and father.
No childhood for the children: Incest families are somber and strict places, where the authority figure (usually one of the parents) dictates behavior for everyone else. Rather than let children run around and play, they force children into a regimented routine.
Chaotic situations, traumatic stress: Incest often takes place in chaotic households, with unstable roots. These families may move often and lack connections to any one community. (surrealist.org)
